Self-Compassion

The term self-compassion only entered my vocabulary at the end of last year. It was also then that I started learning how to apply it to my own life. 

A couple of days ago I read through all of my blog posts to see what I've written over about two years. Self-love and self-care were quite popular topics, and now reading it back I realise that I didn't really love myself. I had no idea how I was supposed to let go of guilt, shame, and blame in my life. I would look at certain decisions I had made and the consequences they'd brought and judge myself. Instead of looking at the situation with an attitude of learning and doing better in the future, I'd spend months or even years telling myself that I had failed and there was no way to change it.

Then last year, as I was coming to terms with stepping into a new, unknown season of life, I had to face all those years of thinking negatively about myself. The new season seemed daunting. I remember visiting my parents in September and being upset over the idea of having to start over. I felt sorry for myself for a minute or two and then realised that I get to decide the narrative of my story. And just like that, 'I have to start over' changed to 'I get to start over!'. It felt liberating. 

I started looking at multiple negative experiences of my life and making a conscious choice to narrate them differently. I stopped blaming myself for not doing a better job of protecting myself. Instead, I acknowledged the fact that I was naive, that I would learn from those experiences and do better in the future. Most importantly, I forgave myself. 

Let me tell you what self-compassion looks like in my daily life now. If a friend cancels our plans last minute and I feel sad, I no longer call myself stupid for feeling disappointed. I acknowledge that it's okay to be sad, that I was looking forward to that meeting, and then decide what fun activity I can do instead. When I think 'What have I got to offer people in my current season in life?' I remind myself that I am not my circumstances, nor do they determine my value. I think it's important to accept that those thoughts will still creep into your head, but it's all about your response to them.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge that I didn't get to this place on my own. I went to counselling, I read books ('Battlefield of the Mind' by Joyce Meyer and 'Seeing Beautiful Again' by Lysa TerKeurst), I surrounded myself with people who love me, and I prayed. A lot. Learning to have compassion for yourself takes time and work, but it's so worth it. I hope that if you're struggling with it, this encourages you to start the journey to the fullest form of self-love.

"When you go through deep waters,

    I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

    you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

    you will not be burned up;

    the flames will not consume you." 

Isaiah 43:2