TW - talk of suicidal thoughts
In recent months, my newsfeed has been filled with stories of people my age and younger taking their own lives. It happens everywhere in the world, but when you see multiple stories of that happening in the city you live in, stories being shared by your friends because they knew the person - it hits differently. It feels more personal and closer to home.
While there are multiple mental health struggles that can't be solved by simply talking, I believe that a lot could be at least helped by it. Having someone listen to you, help you reflect, and point you to the right resources is invaluable. Throughout my life and especially when I was a teenager, I really struggled with suicidal thoughts, hating myself, and hating life. My way of dealing with circumstances that made me depressed was to leave. If a school atmosphere was making me depressed - I switched schools. If I hated the culture of the country I lived in - I moved. It was a great temporary solution. However, it all caught up with me about three years ago. I was living in a country I loved, studying for a degree I was passionate about, part of a church community I absolutely loved. Yet I felt worthless, unloveable and like the future I was working towards wasn't worth it. This time I couldn't just run away from my circumstances, because I couldn't blame it on anyone or anything but myself. Thus began my journey towards self-awareness and healing.
I started counseling with Destiny Church and it opened my eyes. I realised that so many of my issues had to do with my way of thinking. I learned about core beliefs about myself, how to work on changing them, and with time I managed to do it. This year, when disaster hit and turned my life upside down, I knew I had the right mindset to deal with it, but I still couldn't do it on my own. I needed someone to talk to. Someone completely impartial. In October of this year, I finally started my journey with Healing for the Heart. In a way, I was glad that I'd had time from June to October to process a lot of it on my own, and I was even complimented by my counselor for how self-aware I am. Yet I knew that something was missing, something that I couldn't figure out as much as I reflected on my own. I had my breakthrough in counseling two weeks ago. I just returned home from my 7th session today, and it was the first time in 7 weeks that I didn't cry. Who knows, I may cry next week or the week after, but seeing that improvement was very encouraging.
Talking to someone may sound quite insignificant, but it genuinely changed my life. I know how ridiculously long NHS waiting lists are, so my hope with this blog post is that if you're someone looking for help, you'll reach out to one of the two resources I mentioned. Both of them are donation-based and only take 2-3 months on the waiting list before you start (at least it did for me). Know that your friends and family care, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. Life is worth living, counseling is worth your time, and if you're struggling - I hope you get better soon.
"In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."
1 Peter 5:10
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